A huge life change—a move from California to Washington state—has kept me from the blog this summer. There was too much to say. Too many emotions, too many moments of sadness and lightening rods of hope to put into feeble words. (And words could never do it justice anyway.) I can’t describe what it was like to finally live somewhere long enough for it to become home, then experience enough pain to want to leave it all anyway. I can’t really explain why the move was so amazing and so awful at the same time, a bittersweet mile marker on the road of life.
Do I write a post about the walls I looked at through depression and cancer that I took family heirlooms off, pulled nails from, and left behind? Do I write about the friends I unexpectedly lost or the friends I found in a long goodbye? Do I write about a family’s grief over dreams that crumbled or their joy over the fresh dreams unearthed in the rubble?
Too many posts, too little time, not enough words. I decided not to try. And to be absent from the blog was to be present in my life, something I wasn’t in a hurry to write away. Maybe the muse left me or maybe I left the muse, but slowly over the last few days, I’ve finally begun to see that I do have more to say. The muse is not gone forever.
So I am changed, but I am still here. In a new season, but not yet a new year.